UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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