I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
