Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
