No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
