so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
