the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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