Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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