Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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