How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
