If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
