i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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