So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
