then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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