I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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