Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
