i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
sex in a hospital.. check
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
