"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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