I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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