you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
