so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
