____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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