I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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