I need to stop coming to work sober
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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