when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
pray to the hookup gods
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
