There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
