just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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