well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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