He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
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