I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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