11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
