On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
