first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
