I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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