How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
