So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
