If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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