While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
