You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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