"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
