Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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