hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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