i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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