btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We named our party play list daddy issues
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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