Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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