i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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