OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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