I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
