Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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