just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
