I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
