Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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