have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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