My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
