Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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