And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
