You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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