You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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