He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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