So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
