I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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