Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
