I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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