Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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