We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
