That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Small penises have feelings too.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
