I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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