so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
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Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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