I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
