can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Randomize
