Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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