There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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