I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
