wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
