I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
