Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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