this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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