You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
