How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
